YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
