I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize