I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
