just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
