Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize