everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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