hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
