no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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