My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
