Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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