Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
