Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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