at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
