omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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