i dont even know how to be here
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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