he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
did i walk over a car last night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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