i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
