I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
