I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
