Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
