I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
