It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
