The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
