What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
