I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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