his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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