We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize