i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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