I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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