I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
