yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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