i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
