I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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