I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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