that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
