Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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