please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
