After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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