I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
