Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
