I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize