stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found your dick twin last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were trust falling into bushes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
