this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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