I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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