my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
