its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
