Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
