im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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