what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
