Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
