i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
