I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
