A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
