the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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