I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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