I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
