U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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