i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
