I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
