Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
