Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
