Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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