i jhust puked up my retainher.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
