I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize