your thong is hanging out like whoa
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
