Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
