my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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