happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
