8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
